Get anger management treatment today.
A wise friend of mine said: “We are all born with matches and gasoline inside, and our job is to keep them apart!” My friend’s statement is easier said than done — especially for those of us who get upset easily. All of us have felt angry. Anger flashes up when we feel 1) disregarded, 2) mistreated, or 3) unjustly blamed or attacked. Sometimes anger becomes habitual over many years. Many people learned how to express anger by watching one or both of their parents. Did you have a parent who used anger to have “power over” someone else, maybe you? Power-over carries the message, “I can be louder, scarier, more vindictive than you. I can scare or guilt you into doing what I want.” Anger can seem to work, but in the long run it doesn’t. Loud angry language damages the caring and safe connection we want with others.
Ironically anger can be a form of self-protection — the best defense is a good offense. At any hint that we might be criticized or humiliated, we put others down in a mean or cutting way. Seen in this light, anger and rage are a form of armor so we don’t have to feel our hurt or grief. We also don’t have to risk working it out with others.
We can feel hurt and angry when we jump to conclusions or make up stories about why another person has said or done something.
I’d like to help you…
I’d like to help you look at the real source of your anger – what feelings and needs are behind your stories and intense reactions. Then I’d like to help you find ways to meet your genuine needs. Some needs only you can meet; other needs can be vulnerably expressed to others. Why vulnerably? Because people respond to someone who’s open and vulnerable. As you learn to calm and soothe yourself and get your true needs met, it becomes easier and easier to keep the matches and gasoline apart.